Is that a candy bar?..... nope! It's poop!

Recent events necessitate an entry here..

Have you ever heard a story so shocking.. so unbelievable.. that it can't possibly be true.. but it is?!!??!!1

Well hold on to your underpants! Here is a tale of SERIOUS Mischief .. and we weren't even involved!

I'm getting this second hand.. or third hand.. or is it foot?

A person where Saff, Jammur, Rick and I work reported that they saw what appeared to be a candy bar in the floor.

a NORMAL person would be like .. what turd (tee hee) left a candy bar in the floor? And then WALK ON BY!!!

A CRAZY person.. would think to themselves.. HEY! A candy bar in the floor.. why don't I give it a good KICK!

(crazy never sleeps people! crazy never sleeps!)

So said nutball kicked what appeared to be a candy bar.. that was lying in the floor WHERE WE WORK. Did I mention this happened where we all actually work.. For realz ok!

and surprise!!!! It was not a candy bar at all...

yep.. you guessed it.. it was in fact


POOP!
.... in the floor.... where we work.. uhhhh mkay

So here are some of the questions I have. They are grouped together for space and to save numbers (yes I know it is not like numbers are an endangered species or something - whatever)

1. Who pooped in the floor?
2. Was this an ACCIDENT? or an ON PURPOSE?
3. If this was an accident.. How EXACTLY did said accident happen? Your pants fall off on the way to the printer and you pooped? Maybe some jack ass snuck up on you in your cube and scared you so bad you ripped your pants off and went running away and you pooped?

It boggles the mind!!! ok.. umm back to questions

4. If this was an ON PURPOSE.. did this person accomplish their mission? Did they 'hit the target' Was the above mentioned POOP KICKER the target? Did you know this person would naturally want to kick a 'candy bar'?

5. And knowing the people who told this story to me I have to ask this.. Rick.. Jammur... something you need to confess? Did you poop in the floor? Hey .. it had to be asked!

Ok now on to the POOP KICKER as I have now dubbed the unlucky POOP FINDER (which is also a good name that I may use in the future).

6. Why was 'let me kick this' the first thing you though of when seeing a 'candy bar' lying in the floor? Do you have something against candy bars? Did you immediately (after the kick) realize it was in fact... poop? Did you hurl? What happened to your POOP KICKING SHOE? lol Are you able to return to the scene of the .... ACCIDENT? Did you feel targeted? Are you now afraid someone might poop again.. this time IN YOUR CUBE?!! Will you ever eat a candy bar again?dun dun dun!

last.. but certainly not least.. poor building services..

7. How did you react when called to come clean up POOP? After the poop had been kicked I bet it really made a mess!! Did you hurl? Did you quit? Hell I would have.. I'd have been like.. look you guys give me shit all day .. this is the last straw.. I draw the line at poop.. And it looks like you drew a line IN POOP after you dumb REH-TARD kicked it!

We have restrooms at every corner of EVERY wing on EVERY floor.. how could this happen?
I still can't believe it.. this is so insane.. first someone actually pooped in the floor.. then probably the only person in the entire WORLD that would kick a candy bar laying on the floor happened along. It is like the stars aligned so that the paths of these two WACK JOBS would converge in the GREAT POOP MYSTERY OF 2009! The world may never know who did it. I will be watching the "Moving On - Separations" posting on our intranet over the next few weeks for sure!

That's it.. I'm out! (insert image of black jack dealer clapping hands and showing palms up then walking away)

Stay safe.. poop in the proper poop receptacles!!

~Nova